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GitHub Rebrands; Uses Very Impressive-Sounding Names to Improve Reliability With Vibes
🗓Tuesday, February 10, 2026
GitHub has announced a bold new plan to change the names for many of their core offerings in an effort to combat ongoing availability issues plaguing their flagship services.
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Bay Area Sightings
- Peter Thiel was spotted with blood-stained fangs hunched over a pale corpse at dusk in Dolores Park. Save some for the rest of us, Pete!
- Roy Lee left an upper-decker in lieu of payment at Copra (for the sixth time). Fellow diners that encounter Lee out to dinner are encouraged avoid his series C pitches.
- The silhouette of Corey Quinn was identified atop Salesforce Tower. Eyewitnesses reported hearing screams of warning about managed NAT gateways audible from street level.
- A portrait of Theo Browne was found with a luxurious, well-manicured mustache. A Dorian Gray situation has not been ruled out.
- An unidentified software engineer was found staggering down Market Street dressed in a lobster costume jibbering to himself as "The Clawdbot BDFL". He has since been elected to the San Francisco housing oversight committee.
Classifieds
- Amazon is hiring any anthropod with a measurable pulse to continue leave the AWS status page unmaintained.
- Anduril is hiring a bio-ethicist to study the karmic implications of targeted shrimp torture.
- Alphabet is hiring a sadist product manager to orchestrate retiring popular, well-liked services.
- Anthropic is hiring a facial training coach to help teach Dario Amodei how to smile in a more human-like manner.
- Apple is hiring a human interface deconstructionist to excise the last remaining evidence of thoughtful design from its user interfaces.